Sponges

Not that I'm old, I'm clearly younger then I feel I am somedays, and there's numerous times when I can't remember what color undies I wore the day before.. Not because I'm losing it or anything but there's so many things that go on in this house (my life) that everything gets shuffled away..
 The earliest memory I can recall is being at my grandparents house, my mother being young (18) when she had me, she lived at home so I was surrounded by my aunts, mother, and grandparents. I remember not seeing my grandpa much but he worked at GM and had a pretty decent job, so was gone a lot on business or hunting, but there's always that one thing that sticks in my brain, every Sunday he was always there cooking breakfast for everyone, sometimes I'd wake up early and I would see his car pulling into the driveway and I'd run to the door and open it for him to come in. Many times I remember visiting him out in the backyard, they had a camping trailer they parked out there that my aunts would hang out in and for sometime my grandpa was always out there going through his hunting stuff or working on stuff from work. It wasn't until I was much older that I finally realized that (with other info) my grandparents were actually going through a divorce and he did all these things for me, show me some normalacy, that grandpa will always be there. They hid a broken relationship for a very long time, not only for their daughters, but for their granddaughter! I often thought that at one time (after hearing family gossip) that I, mainly, was the cause for their marriage diminishing. That sounds pretty crazy but when you think about it my mom was young when she got pregnant with me, these days pregnant at 17 is pretty much a normal thing, but back then it was very much frowned on and my grandma hit the roof, wanted to send my mom away until she had me, then have her give me up for adoption, and my grandfather put an end to it and gave my mother the choice of what she wanted to do. I heard that story before and I wasn't too sure the validity of it until my grandmother got sick at the beginning of the year and all she asked for was me. The comment that was made was, "it's strange how someone years ago didn't want you to even be born into this family, but is the one who calls for you and only you in her condition". Made me think, well damn, was I really the cause of the divorce? I knew that there was other circumstances leading up to that divorce it really made me have that thought.
I've often heard things throughout my years that have stuck in my head, words that can be forgiven, sometimes put far away in a memory, but never forgotten.
I listen to my kids when they are like "do you remember this" and it's such an amazement what they actually remember! My middle child is always saying things like "do you remember when we...." and it baffles me because I've actually tucked that piece of info away and would never in a million years think that he actually remembered because he was so little. I know one of his greatest memories is going to be our trip this past summer, he speaks about it often, and out of no where he will describe something he seen, while on vacation, and be right on with it! He started preschool this year and he loves it, but there are times that he comes home and things can be a little chaotic and in the midst of all 3 of them being yelled at to settle down, when I say yell, I mean raising my voice above their loudness which can be super loud. One day the crazy before dinner madness was going on and we all were playing around and somehow the little one got pushed down by the two of them playing and she started crying cuz she bumped her head. He started crying and then said "I'm a dumb stupid idiot". My jaw dropped, never in a million years would I think that my son would say something like that and where on earth did he get those words from? Don't get me wrong there was a time when he picked up a few foul words and would say them like it was funny, but those words, where on earth did that come from? So I had to talk with him and remind him what a good boy he was and how accidents happens you just have to be careful, but I wasn't mad and he wasn't in trouble, but where on earth did you hear you were a stupid dumb idiot? Come to find out a boy he goes to school with was calling him that because he didn't what something was while they were off playing at playtime. I addressed it with the teacher the next day and she had apologized for the child saying that she has been working on this kids words cuz some of the stuff he says is pretty harsh towards the kids and it's not just my son that this has happened to and it seems like this kind of talk goes on in this child's home. Thank you to that dear patent who likes to talk to their 4 year old like that..
We don't ever watch sponge bob in our house, very rare you see it on any of the televisions, but whether or not it's the purpose of the name "sponge bob" or not (probably not entirely since he still hasn't passed his boating course in all the years he has been on lol) but kids are like sponges, they soak in every bit of something or even others "nothings" and they embed it in their brain and what they learn from it grows and grows, and what they learn stays with them for the longest time even if that being learned is tucked far away for future references. I love that my younger ones will have great memories of what we have done, what I have taught them, and how I'm a big part of their everything! I tend to be down on myself about my oldest, my first born, the spitting image of ME.. her memories are very few of what her and I have done, or me being there when there was something great.. I went back to work after I had her, then had to work a lot picking up extra shifts because her father refused to contribute to anything, it was more important to spend a paycheck in a bar Friday through Sunday and so on. I lost my job because he wouldn't make it home from being out all night and me being late and then left, just disappeared for months with no word of him, not even a call to see how his baby was, let me tell you that was the worst Christmas ever, she was only a baby still, but  I had no money for gifts but I made the best of it and did odd jobs for my family just so there would be some presents under the tree for her.. She has memories good ones and over the years I've done plenty to make an impact on her and show her love, but her memories tend to be all the fun stuff she has done with other family members cuz mommy was at work or couldn't get time off to go on vacation and it hurts somedays, really truly hurts. She had bad memories too, those that I try to help her remember but she brings them up at the oddest moments like, you remember when daddy threw that plate at your face or do you remember when I called you at work cuz I was hungry and daddy wouldn't get up so I could eat? There's many more of those that are embedded in her head and I wish I could just erase them and I haven't been with her dad since she was 3 and she is now 12.. Sponges, I tell you, they are a sponge, soaking up everything and I'm trying to give my kids the best memories, family memories so it sticks